Guy Friends are Awesome but...

I can't hang out on pillows on the floor and eat popcorn and drink wine and shout ridiculous things like I can with a girl friend.

Goings On

No I'm not really going to rehash all of that stuff.  Even I feel like its fucking boring. Here is some general stuff happening.

I'm in Tour de France season (Over on July 25th, woo hoo) and that means that the quiet moments that we normally would have together turn into me upstairs finding something to do and he's watching the latest stage in the race.  Its fine; its not a danger sign of impending marriage doom.  I've been doing this since my first race season since 1996.

So, yes, right now he's downstairs and I'm being kept company by Dexter Morgan.  I've also caught up on my google reader and some blogs that I like to look in on from time to time.

I posted a comment on this post on 10eleven; the 3rd bullet about contemplating relationships. The part about the bastardish behavior about not recognizing a 20 year relationship after one of the couple dies and their friends and family act as if their relationship wasn't important since they weren't married.  My sisters best friend had her fiance die when were all about 20 years old.  Her best friend was invited by another to a bowling night.  After she explained what had happened and that the funeral was the same day as the bowling night, this person said, "well come after, its going to be fun!"  I wish that I was surprised that people can be such assholes.

I painted my nails this color. It's Blue My Mind by OPI.

I'm still trying to co-ordinate my trip to Colorado.  I have a conservative couple making plans and a gay single man making plans.  We'll have fun but are trying to balance what to do with whom and when.  And my sister is joining us. My sister is very picky. Not that I'm inferring that I'm not picky but the both of us traveling together in the past has led to our only fights. 

We are also trying to coordinate the trip to NYC next year because there is going to be about 8 people going on that trip.  Finding a week that we can all agree on has been a pain, then ignored by all, then someone messages everyone and they want a decision NOW...in July... months away from the anticipated trip in March or April. Ugh family.

My hair is getting longer and longer and longer and I have forgotten how much of a pain it is when growing it out.  From time to time I've wished that I would have learned a particular skill from each of my parents and right now i know that I should have paid attention to my mother when she french braided my hair.  Its so thick and too hot in the summer but I love how it looks.  My look while home is a pebbles ponytail.  You know, Pebbles Flintstone.  That caveman baby that had her ginger pony tail on top of her head.  I tried 2 ponytails today.  No I will not be doing the Chrissy Snow side ponytail. My attempts at braids have shamed my mother's memory, I'm sure.

Oh my god, Pebbles was a GINGER.  She's a daywalker; she has no soul. poor caveman baby.

Resisting the urge to post something

I have an assignment due that I must finish and surprise surprise I think that this is an opportune time to post something here.

Could I rehash AGAIN these subjects again? Of course I can

• I hate socializing but I'll try to get better at that
• family
• yes I still can't stand his parents
• other peoples troubles
• I've dumped another friend.

I'll be back after I get my essay emailed to my professor.  Its my religion class.  Love Love Love it. (tingles)

Mid Year Review

Ah Friday, I love you. I want to open mouth kiss you with chocolate strawberries. Sweetbaby is outside with his scotch and cigar relaxing after he made us dinner. He’s so freaking funny, and kind, and selfless, etc… Yadda Yadda Yadda. Before he headed outside he’s been kind enough to watch a TLC wedding dress show with me. He spotted the adam’s apple before I did on the she-male and also had some really great sarcastic-y remarks that impressed ME. Yes, I AM the luckiest girl alive.

I’ve been sporadic while posting here so I checked out what I’ve posted so far this year. My January 5th post about being more social and seeing those that I love but only see 1 to 2 times a year a LOT more. Yeah, that didn’t happen. I really still do love you all. I’m just a hermit. That friend that I found annoying? Well, we’re no longer friends. I blame it on getting older. I have time that I want to give to others, not to someone that I dread hearing or seeing from. She was voted off my island, because I seem to waste less time as each year goes by.

I made a pledge to write more here and then my next post was in April. The pain in the arthritis situation is much better. The miracle drug situation is causing havoc in me in other ways. You don’t want to know the ugly details but I’m dealing with it because there really isn’t an alternative. Catalina was just the slow pace that I needed. I’m so looking forward to Colorado and seeing Steffie and Doug and David. My graduation won’t be until December. I’ve had some snafus in getting the classes that I needed available. I’m still pissed about this but I can’t change it. Lady Gaga sold out. I’m not going. Sad face. But just to be clear, things are very good. And as for the new friend, that is great and that’s good. I was surprised to find that I would really like someone and trust them as much as the new buddy. Dave likes him, my BFF likes him, he’s funny, sarcastic, and every once in a while I discover new disturbing aspects to his personality. He’s like the step brother I never had. I feel like he’s someone that I can count on and he’s capable of doing those evil brother things like hanging a loogie over my face and sucking it back up.

I get along pretty well with guys. There are very few girls that I TRULY get along with and these are the girls that I miss; the girls that I have seen a little as once a year. Girls, we need to get together and revel in our awesomeness. You know, sometime.

was going to be a post

about how someone believing in a higher power affects me, but decided to get back into bed,

not me, I'm not the believing one.

trying, still trying

I made some sort of declaration that I would start typing something in here. See, this is already bad news because this is going to start the year off with random bullet points...sigh...

• So I had a co-worker try to force a friendship with ME. I got 6 emails with "Did I offend you?" "Let's go out to dinner and catch up!" All occurred within 1 hour. I squashed her soul and explained that she is not going to fit into my non-work life. Very Creepy.
• Christmas was low key. My sister was in town for a month. She's my favorite but I'm a hermit, so it was uncomfortable for me to have someone hanging around all the time. I like Christmas, I don't love it. It's all fine as soon as I hear Feliz Navidad by Jose Feliciano and Holly Jolly Christmas by Burl Ives. That's all I need for the holidays. Oh and Dave.
• That Jon and Kate plus 8 show is something that I'm just discovering. Kate is really mean to Jon.
• The latest Facebook wierdness. So far I had the friend that I lost my virginity to (who just had a baby days ago), the last boyfriend before Dave and I just added my date to a 6th grade valentine's party. I think its cool but very strange at the same time.

So there you have it. An official blog entry that wasn't a survey. It wasn't a great entry but at least I'm trying.

Playing quietly

I am home from work, called off sick, dammit.

I am amusing myself at last.fm, and then I hope to type something here a little later...

another internet tidbit

I have been reading One Sentence True Stories (while listening to Smodcast) and I have laughed that laugh when you don't make a sound and weeped a bit at a few of these. So much to share but I just am going to share the one that I love RIGHT NOW THIS SECOND. (you will probably shake your head from side to side and say "Oh Anne")

"When asked to donate a dollar to Lou Gehrig's Disease research (ALS), the customer replied, 'No, I'm not a Yankees fan' ".

Honest Obituary

From Stranger Fruit, again... (via fark.com) From here:

Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing.

Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times too. But I truly believe at the end of the day ALL of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again.

There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a lifetime tearing apart.

I get a little crap sometimes from those who ask too many questions about my family dynamic. The bit where they start telling me that I have to love my family, no matter what, is about the time that I lay on them the fact that I have cut off contact with half of my siblings and some of my relatives, after my mother died. Before that, I kept contact at the very minimum, only if interacting was absolutely necessary.

I've also been brave enough to get rid of some "friends" who just don't need to be around me and my family anymore.

Family, to me, does not rest on the DNA we share or not share.

where is breakfast

So the plan was to relax, get the laundry done, turn the a/c down so we can get the house cooled off to a decent temperature, and go to the store on Sunday, because who wants to drive any more? not me, not Dave. So we ordered a pizza for dinner.

It's just past 8:30 a.m. and I've been awake for about an hour. I have just realized that there really isn't anything to eat in the house. sad face.

Its a CHEETO!

Seriously

I was typing my final, when I heard from downstairs,

"It's a Cheeto for fuck sake"

Have you heard about Jesus hanging from the cross in crunchy (not puffy) cheeto form?

Yeah, that's right, its Cheesus.

wow

going to take a shower now

I checked out my keyword analysis and I found that my page was found for someone looking for,

"kinkiest think that I've ever done"

and

"what kind of pussy do I have"

alrighty

Googlegänger

All my googlegängers are mothers and christians so, no I will not be contacting them.

reunions, facebook, etc

Google Readers sometimes makes recommendations to me about new blogs that match my other subscriptions. I was happy to accept a new blog, after reading this post. It talks about how facebook is something that the blogger finds uncomfortable sometimes.

The people that I want to know where I am and how my day is going are privy to this space and to a few other things like my actual address, phone number, etc. Isn't it akward to be friended by someone who sat two rows behind you in English class, twenty five years ago?

There are (I am counting on my fingers...) four men and four women who i have given the location of this space and I'm betting that some have found me so boring over the last year that 2 of the men and 2 of the women have stopped visiting regularly. My husband (not one of the four) has even stopped checking in here. Well, probably because I tell him whats happening.

This is a big step for me that those eight have the access because I have actually had a blog for over five years. In the past, I would choose to trust a few to read it, freak out then, move it, hide and start a new one. I've been thinking about doing that again.

I'm not driven to do that because I have shared too much, it's because I don't feel like I can really really speak the truth here and I want to be able to do that but I just won't, so eventually I will hide this so that I can really write what I am really thinking about.

When's dinner?

Paper is done! yeah for me. It's not due til Friday so I'm sure that I will tweak it as the week passes.

good news for me, I can relax until the final essay.

Time to break my 16 days of sobriety (that would be July 4th) and crack open one of the bottle of red wine we got today. I don't get how you can walk into a Costco and automatically spend $100. How does that happen?

Yes I absolutely needed that brie and Dave really needed the individual lunch packs of sliced apples. Hey that sounds pretty good together!

I did purchase the Dr. Horrible series at itunes and can't wait until the soundtrack is out.

I've been really busy at work and keeping the classes under control, but I'm starting to get into this weird worrisome mood. The financial thing is getting to me. Not that we are having any troubles ourselves, but I think that I've been reading too many articles about the economy and how so many families are ending up in financial ruin after medical emergencies. I had that fun little episode at the emergency room some days ago and yes we have an emergency fund but that could be wiped out with some seriously bad luck. But then what are the chances of that, really.

I worry too much when I'm dehydrated. Maybe I'll have a bottle of water.

Anyway, now I'm not spending, not going out to dinner, will be drinking at home with Dave, making up our own entertainment (maybe puppet shows?) and not making any purchases that are unnecessary. I really didn't need to get that Chanel powder compact two weeks ago (but it is fabulous). It has made me assess my "needs". I had three movies from netflix, in the house, unwatched for 2 months, so I canceled that. Dave sold my bike for a very good price. In fact we can use that cash for grocery money for the next couple of months.

I just want to be clear that the last thing that will go is the satellite TV service.

Those Summer Nights

In the past week, I've watched this about 5 times. It reminds me of driving during hot summer nights, in Phoenix.

Enjoy! I'm going to go catch up on my SModcast episodes on iPod.

Hello and Good Evening

I home from the local watering hole. An interesting week and an interesting evening. Let us see, what is up.

I discovered that I will be moving to a new set of "new people" that I watch over. Things change at work and the 25 people in my peer group are getting shuffled. My "new people" don't know it yet. My replacement is the sweetest girl in the world. Since they loved me, the evil cold hearted one, then they will just love her and I'm happy they get her.

We did a team building exercise that showed us what element we are (earth water wind fire) and after identifying what we are, we learned how to work with the other elements. I picked one because someone perceived me that way but I felt that I could be any one of them. I found out later that my manager felt that I was the most chameleon like and I was exactly one quarter of each of the elements. Is that good or bad? I just don't know. I do feel like I am not myself at work. I am definitely a different person when I am off the clock. It's kind of strange for me. The people who know me outside of work would be surprised what I was like when I am reporting to work.

I got major accolades for a project I just completed from my director so I am happy about that, when I am work person, but when I'm at home, I hardly think about that.

What else, lets see...

Oh random thought, Hey, Mr. S.E.H., I am sorry for pushing you toward the grizzly mama and her cubs that day we were walking from the hotels dorms through the lodge cabins. You took many things in stride and I can't thank you enough for your patience with that dumb girl back then. Lets do lunch.

Dave and I went to our neighborhood bar this evening and we help perpetuate a one night stand. A random business woman showed up in the place for the 1st time. She didn't know that there were such nice places in the 'slope (that would be the Sunnyslope section of Phoenix) I just need to point out that I don't live in the 'slope. That is a bit of a snobbish issue I have. I don't live in the 'slope! Anyway, she started to talk to us but she asked the guy next to me to move over by her. After that my bartender started saying that "that is soooo happening tonight" I made a reference to Love Connection, "We'll be back in 2 and 2" but he didn't get it. He is 15 years younger than me.

He's a nice kid of 24. I had a little discussion with him about a dilemma I keep running into. I seemed to always have more guy friends than girls. My first best friend was Charlie on the corner, starting in kindergarten. He had a bassett hound named Wally. Anyway, I had been text messaging a friend this evening when he got frustated with me and sent me his mea culpa. A set of 10 pictures of a naked girl and a nerf football. See, this isn't anything new. I like my friends who are guys but then I end up sharing in the "guy stuff". My bartender was no help at all and at the end of our conversation, I ended up forwarding him the text of pictures. sigh.

remind me again...

why are we still friends? It's been a really, really long time and I can't remember why we keep in touch. There isn't any joy in it anymore. It feels like work.

Temperature in Phoenix

I just wanted to note that its almost 8:30 pm, here in Phoenix and the temperature is 108F/40C.

Wow, its not even August.

I am out of sorts

I facilitated a meeting for my division and one of my peers, over and over and over and over etc., stated that they weren't prepared and interjected that they weren't prepared. My friend in the meeting said that one point I was looking at her like "I'm going to hurt you/Please stop talking"

How do I deal with this? I have a snack. Oh yeah, Dave made dinner. Talapia, cajun style, with a salad. Before dinner I had a bloody mary, just to take the edge off. After dinner I had two slices of spam and another bloody mary, with a bendy straw. I love straws. That's the snack portion that I was speaking of. Isn't it pretty? two small slices of spam on my cherry blossom plates and my bloody mary in my pint glasses? Spam? It's just one of those flavors from my youth and it's comforting. I don't think I have spam in about 5 years...

This narrative will ramble. Just a warning...

Just some basic information...I "watch" over new people to the company and while aforementioned unprepared peer was out of the office for 4 weeks, I took care of her "new people" They gave me a dozen yellow roses yesterday because they loved me. My first thought was "I don't deserve this" because I don't care about other people but dammit as I age a bit of sensitivity has crept in. Things like this really surprise me when I am genuinely touched by these gestures.

My goal is to never talk about work so if you want detailed info on what I do you will have to email me. Or give me a call.

Lucky for me, when I leave my work place I leave it in that building. I'm safe at home with my sweetbaby, who loves me despite my dark side, drinking my cocktail and watching (well today) Death and the Maiden while simultaneously trying to read bits of the Vanity Fair Bill Clinton story in the July issue.

Ok, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I didn't have the best day but tomorrow will be better.

The Forty Year Old Virgin ending dance sequence is about to start so I'm going to stop and enjoy that. I love Paul Rudd in this.

It's the little things in my day that make me happy.

Let the sun shine in