Worries and other stuff

I get this horrible feeling that I can't breathe when I'm worried.  I can't breathe right now.

A girlfriend of mine has been trying to get pregnant for six years.  She's been pregnant a week and she's started to cramp and bleed a lot.  So much time and money invested for something I just cannot understand or connect with but I know that the heartache coming is going to be devastating. What do I mean by "coming"? From our texts/phone call today, it seems that she isn't quite believing that this pregnancy has a very good chance of not happening.  She lives so far away.

The title is misleading. All I got is worries and actually its just the one above. I'm such a liar.

I actually am feeling better after typing this down. I should probably unburden myself a little more than I do but I like to keep my anxiety to myself until it all blows up in an inappropriate moment and its usually the hubs who ends up dealing with it.  Poor guy. But that's his job right? He's supposed to make me happy and get me stuff that I like?

Actually he is trying to get me something that I don't like and he seems to have his mind made up about it.  We have guns in the house. I hate them but I figured that I should get proficient at using it.  I'm not happy about it but I'm not a stupid girl. I might need to get to it before a menacing criminal in my house does.  I was pretty good at firing his .40 caliber but my hands are too small and I started to strain my thumb.  Well OBVIOUSLY I need one that fits my hand and therefore we need to buy me a gun. After complaining about the new gun present, I've discovered that about 6 of my girlfriends own their own guns. Is the gun this years Coach Purse because I hate those too.

Good and Bad Day

• I had my performance evaluation today. I'm getting a bonus that I am a little bit embarrassed to receive during these economic times. I'm paying off my car and will use the rest for tickets to Ireland.
• The girl who has tried to force me to be my friends had TWO conversations with me today, not understanding that we will never be friends and is under the delusion that we once were BFF's. Why me?
  

My favorite scene from Closer

Bad news today so I went in search of things that I like on the internet.

So whats the latest with me?

**Check out the right side of my page. I've changed up my blog roll by trying out blogger's new option. It allowed me to import my reader subscriptions, so lots of new stuff there.***Update***I was playing with this new feature and deleted it, reload my list in again and now it won't reload them in, so sorry all gone***

I have an assignment due by tomorrow at noon so I thought that this would be a great time to catch up. What a surprise! I can confirm that I did get an A+ and a nice email from Professor Hottie that he enjoyed having me in class, my ideas added to class discussion were relevant and thought provoking. I think that he just liked it that I laughed at his jokes that pertained to the decade we grew up in.

I spent a lovey 4 hours in the emergency room on very early Friday morning. If you want to freak out the one you love. wake them up at 1:30 in the morning to tell them that you can't breath and you are have major pressure on your chest. No worries, the EKG was fine, but apparently I have asthma. A nice little present as I approach forty. My numb left arm came from me sleeping on it, apparently. They believe that is has to do with allergy season being brutal during this monsoon, pollution and me taking more than usual spin classes this week and breathing in very deeply. Basically a lung full of pollution and particles.

My best friend, Heather, said that a bronchial spasm is much preferred to the heart attack scenario.

Me: You might think that would ease my mind.

Heather: Now why wouldn't it?

Me: It just add to my death scenario choice. A heart attack can be swift if its going to kill you, not always but I can hope. With the asthma attack, for five minutes, I will be trapped in my body as my eyes turn blood shot red, as they search silently for help before I slip into nothingness.

And then we both started laughing,verging on cackling.

And that is why she is my BFF.

We are finally finishing the last major renovation in the house. Dave and his best friend Dan pulled out the vanity from our upstairs bathroom, pulled out the 1974 linoleum and put down ceramic tile. Tonight we are heading to Home Depot to get the paint for the bathroom. It's got to be done before the new vanity is put in.

I need to a search on paint colors, so see you later!

my sweetgirl, lilybear is gone

We put our kitty, Lily, down today.

some news important to me, you? not so much

I got the news today that a former boss/mentor died yesterday, in California, and I was really surprised at how affected I was by it. I haven't seen her in 5 years. I had some trouble breathing and had to leave and stand in the desert, outside the building. She was pretty darn amazing, very encouraging, very straitforward and cute as a button. She was someone who came from humble beginnings and worked her ass off for her great success. She was only 55.

That said, when I returned the call to my former work buddy, Jane, we lapsed right into some pretty inappropriate comments, but that's to be expected from me, really.

We caught up on what was the latest in mine and Dave's life and we're making plans to catch up at a Happy Hour in the very near future. That office was all women and it got a little/alot catty sometimes, in the decade I was there. I'm sure that there were some comments about me not wanting to talk to anyone else in the office besides Jane. Many of them felt like I was their friend, but believe me I was good at being pleasant and friendly and knowing that you all would stab anyone in the back at anytime. Get over yourself in your underpaid job.

I'm very Circle of Life (Lion King) about that Death thing but some people you just don't expect to make their exit. I am much, much better now; Dave knew and loved her, so we talked abit about the shock of it all, and I got a call from the Toddster on my drive home today. A few double entendres always brings a little sunshine in my day, especially from Toddster.

I'll be seeing Toddster on Friday, with the group of people that I started working with, when I came to my current employer. We are hired in classes and then put through 10 weeks of training, so it's like a little reunion.

Anyway, I will wait for word on a funeral and I hope to see her son, a former happy hour buddy from 1995. He has so many issues about his parents and I think that this is really going to break him.

dammit, I signed up on myspace again,

Yes, you all stood in my home and I stated that I had to stop. Not because I was keeping in contact with you way too much, my friends but because I can't stop playing with the layout. I stated I was over it.

I'm at lunch today with Jeffy and he says that he signed up again, too and to look him up. I also found my 15 year old nieces page which states that she is EIGHTEEN. Nothing looks suspicious on it yet, but I'll keep checking.

So now I think I'm happy with my choice of layout for my page but now I am unsatisfied with my contact table. argggh and it starts again. I have to find my pink skull and cross bone online icon.

A clip from the Daily Show folk about the writers strike. An extra chuckle are the TAGS that they have for the clip. I also have my usual crush on the only British guy on the show, John Oliver, He's the one at the end in the top hat.

bad bad news

We had a niece die a couple of years back, from the flu. She was 3 and a half. My sister in law was pregnant at the time with a little girl and she was born 2 weeks after the funeral.

My niece is now 3 and a half and we just heard that she's in the hospital and has leukemia. Dave's on the phone with his parents right now...